40 things to do before I hit 40

1. Don't Die before 40: This is a practical and essential start to the list. If I am to achieve the remaining 39 then Number 1 must be achieved.

2. Read 40 books: I am not a reader. I was but am not now. The challenge is to find the time and the content that will allow me to read 40 books.

3. Lose 40 lbs: or lose enough weight to return to the same weight and BMI when I was 30.

4. Run a Marathon: As readers of my other blog will know I started exercising recently.

5. Become a Vegetarian for one month: I am a carnivore. I snack on meat. Going one month without the flesh of a dead animal will be hell but a little suffering is meant to be good for the soul.

6. Quit drinking coffee for one month: it won't be the same month that i give up meat otherwise I won't achieve Number 1 above.

7. Win the lottery: any amount at all would be good. Since I don't play this may prove difficult

8. Play a full competitive Hurling match again and be on the winning team.

9. Do a sponsored parachute jump for charity

10. Try colonic irrigation once: Everyone needs a spring clean once in their life

11. Visit a casino and play roulette: I have always felt like James Bond, wanting to break the bank. I expect the bet will be something small and meaningless but who knows I might even rent a tux for the night
12. Go to an opera: A little culture in my life may not be a bad thing.
13. Weekend break in Paris with my wife: Raising 3 monsters takes its toll on you.
14. Take a Gondola ride at night with my wife in Venice. 2 weekends aways from the monsters in next 3 and a bit years is not too selfish. Is it?
15. Watch Limerick play hurling and Gaelic football in Croke Park. Hurling in HQ should be a gimme. Football should be ok as well after the progress made this year
16. Watch WWE live:
17. Watch a premiership football match live:
18. Learn to juggle with 4 balls: Juggling with 3 balls was mastered a long time ago. Now for 4, then knives and chainsaws. Actually, I think I might just stop with the 4 balls.
19. Bake a cake and eat it: Perhaps I should try this last in case this causes me to fail Number 1 on the list
20. Make my own wine and drink it: At the very best I may have a new career. At worst I may have paint remover. Who knows, in years to come people may toast with a Chateau de Fukk

21. Visit the Guinness Brewry: Muslims go to Mecca, Jews to the Western Wall. Irish people make that pilgrimage to the home of Guinness

22. Learn to play guitar: A new career may beckon as I tour the world

23. Drive 5 cars worth more that 50k: With the economy as fukked as it is, I will have to get a move on before there aren't even 5 cars in Ireland worth 50k

24. Grow a beard and leave it for one month: I'm undecided between a Ronnie Drew, a Santa Claus or an Osama. I've done the Miami Vice 5 o clock shadow look. This will be more of a drunk, homeless drunk on varnish and window cleaner look.

25. Make photo diaries for all my children: Embarass them at future family events. A parents revenge. Stories on what they used to do when they were smaller.

26. Go fishing and eat what I catch: I have tried fishing once before and all that i caught was a cold. I might have to try harder this time.

27. Turn off cell phone and lap top for 40 hours: I have argues this one with my better half nd she insists the 40 hours should be consecutive.

28. Teach youngest son to ride a bike: 2 down one more to go. An absolute cert for Father of the Year I think

29. Do 40 push ups on my 40th Birthday: I'm going to add to this. 40 on 40 with my youngest son on my back.

30. Play one round of golf. I hate the game but everyone wants me to play. So for my sins I will suffer

31. Have one cosmetic procedure done that requires an overnight stay in hospital: Oh the choices, boob job, liposuction, frontal lobotomy. I feel like a kid in a candy store.

32. Give up alcohol for 40 days: I feel very biblical all of a sudden.

33. Visit 40 historically/ religiously significant sites and write one interesting, not well know fact about them on a blog.

34. Watch one stage of the WRC rally live

35. Meet someone I've only ever spoken to on the Internet for a coffee: I think this might have to be in a public place for my own safety particularly with the kind of people I chat to online.

36. Manage a hurling team to victory in a meaningful competition

37. Go 40 days without touching a television remote control

38. Visit all 32 counties in Ireland and post one picture unique to that county on a blog.

39. Celebrate my 40th with a bottle of wine, my wife and a comfortable bed: I could be more explicit here but won't in case any children are reading

40. Make a list of 50 things to do before I'm 50

40 things to do before I turn 40

It stares at me like a hungry lion catching the eye of a wounded gazelle. It knows that it will have me, it knows that I must surrender to it. I stare off into the distance and see 40 approaching. 21 passed in a drunken haze, 30 I can't remember. But 40 is coming for me.

Don't get me wrong. Its not like its next week or even next month. April 2012 will see me hit the 40. As we all know 40 is the new 30, 30 is the 20 and 20 is the new 10. This probably explains the children drinking in my local and the joy riders getting younger.

But I digress, a friend has set me a challenge. 40 things to do before I turn 40. Like the fool I am I accepted without giving it thought. I immediately started my list

1. Angelina Jolie

2. Jessica Alba

3. Mary Harney

Then it hit me. All three of these visions of beauty are unattainable for me. Even if my wife gave me the "get your leg over free" card, its doubtful I could pry Angelina away from Brad and Mary from the HSE.

So after thinking long and hard about Angelina and Jessica, together, I began to think of things to do before I turn 40. My list is complete and I will post a link to it on here someday for the reader(s) that accidentally stumbled on this site. Wish me luck and if anyone does have Angelina's phone number please e mail it to me.