TGIF, with apologies to Atheists !

Thank God its Friday. Friday is day like no other in the week. For many the work week is over, the chance to get drunk get laid or for the lucky few, both awaits us. It is like Christmas Eve with the promise of a few days rest, a bit of adventure and who knows.

Today being Friday got me thinking. Who exactly do atheists thank for it being a Friday. In general being an Atheist in Ireland must be hard work. Don't get me wrong, being a Catholic isn't a bed of roses either. What with going to mass once a year, church gate collections and the like, being a Catholic can be hard work. But in fairness to them, the Atheist's have it rough. Firstly, how does an Atheist swear. "In da name of Jaysus" is hardly appropriate. For years going to hurling matches I thought Indanameofjaysus played full forward for Limerick with Forfucksake and Jesuswept being the 2 corner forwards. Similarly, "In de name of God what was that for ref" or "In de name of God, what the fuck were you thinking" can't be used.

Given that 90% of Irish swear words involved some reference to religion this seriously affects an Atheists capability to follow/ play sports. Staying with sports, assuming our Atheist friends overcome the verbal challenges to playing or watching, exactly who do they turn to at that vital penalty kick or with 2 minutes to go in the semi final with your team down by a point. One wonders how God deals with all the prayers around All Ireland final time. Right now he must be inundated with Tipperary folk praying for a ticket, praying for the Cats to lose or generally praying for a ride off some teacher he meets in Copper Face around final time. Who amongst us has not promised to do a Novena at some vital point in a match?

Expanding on that, who do Atheists call on after passing a Garda speed camera whilst doing 70 in a 60 km zone. Anyone that has travelled out the Ennis road and is still without penalty points cannot tell me that prayer doesn't work. Assuming you can get by without the swearing, that you can play full forward and not have to scream "in da name of Jaysus let it in da fuk will ya" every 5 minutes at your half back line and that you are comfortable collecting penalty points, there are many more challenges that you will face. Easter and Christmas must be a right pain in the arse for Atheists. Not that they can't join in, but it must be a bit like celebrating your mother in laws birthday being Atheist around religious holidays. How exactly does an Atheist feel when in the middle of making love, their partner screams "oh God yes, yes". Do they stop? Is it an insult or a compliment?

And after struggling through life missing out on the sports, the sex and the chocolate eggs, what rewards do our Atheist friends get. Well, nothing actually. Most organised religions offer eternal paradise or re incarnation. For me, eternal paradise would involve being reincarnated as Angelina Jolie's bra, but that's a different story. So we clock out blissfully hoping that we are going to a better place. Atheists just clock out. I know organised religion has its challenges. Being a Sikh involves wearing a large jet engine on your head, no breakfast roll for our Muslim friends. Buddhists, Hindu and Judaism all come with challenges. All organised religions are however agreed on one point, and that is that Atheists are wrong. Despite knocking the shite out of each other for generations, Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Muslims, Sikhs and Hindu's all agree that Atheists are wrong. That's an awful lot of people to disagree with. So an Atheist's life is not an easy one. "In da name of Jaysus" why would anyone be one. Please God, they'll find a cure soon though.

For the weekend thats in it.

Justin Mc disillusioned with the talent Limerick has to offer went looking for new talent in war-torn Fallejuah in Iraq. Hoping that maybe someone had taught an illegitimate son a bit of stick work he spotted an unlikely game of hurling one day in the market place. Spotting an amazing talent he resolves to take him to Ireland to play for Limerick. The youngster, dying to get out of his horrible existence, agrees.

In the All Ireland semi final Limerick are playing Tipperary and Justin's newest recruit is playing. At 15 points each going into the last minute of the game the ball drops to Saddam who runs past 3 Tipp  players to score the winning goal. Soon after there are wild celebrations as Limerick celebrate their win. Saddam is hailed as a hero and invited by the manager to guzzle back champagne back in the dressing room with the rest of the team. But before doing this, Saddam insists that he be able to ring his mother at home to tell her the good news.On the phone to his mother, he says "Guess what mum, you won't believe what happened here today, we won the game and I scored the winning goal and I'm a hero....."His mother interrupts ".....you selfish bastard", she says "you are always thinking of yourself. Do you have any idea what happened to us today. Your father has been killed, your sister was taken away from us gang raped, and our house has been burnt to the ground!"."But Mum, your not being fair. You're acting as if all this was my fault", says Saddam.You're damn right it is", she replies. "It was your idea for us to move to Limerick....!!!"

Running to Stand Still (II)

The race is on hold. 7 nicely placed staples in a head wound totally screws my training plans. Oh well maybe it was not meant to be.

Accident and Emergency

I had the distinct displeasure to have to go to the Regional A+E this weekend. After an accident (details way too embarrassing to be published here but no alcohol was involved) I arrived in A+E on Sat evening (5.30 p.m), dripping blood from a large head wound. After being handed an invoice for 100 Euro (the hospitals first action) I was seen by a nurse after 10 to 15 minutes.

The fact that both my hands were red with blood did not deter the willing receptionist from handing the invoice to me. The nurse looked at my wound and told me it had stopped bleeding and was going to send me back out to reception to wait. I pointed out the red liquid on my face probably was coming for the rather large cut on my head. She looked again and bandaged me up. On asking to use the sink to wash my hands I was told to use the public toilets.
Washing a considerable amount of blood from my hands in the public toilets (apologies if you had to use the toilet after me, I tried to clean it best I could but with no paper towels and v little toilet roll, there is only so much you can do) I then proceeded to join the "game show" that is A+E. Every 20 minutes or so a nurse would appear at the door and shout a name ala game show contestant.....Moving enviously through the throngs waiting the nervous contestant would step forward and through those magic doors.
Some 3 hours later (and several asks at reception including one snippy comment to me that I had only being waiting 1 hour 45 minutes and usual wait time was 4 hours) I pleaded with a nurse that I had children to collect. For almost 2 hours it looked like no one had left the A+E waiting room. They went through the magic doors and 10 minutes later came back out to the waiting room.
The nurse took pity on me and "fast tracked" my case. Yes, those were the words used by the nurse and Doctor, "3 hours 25 minutes = fast track"
Cleaned and stapled I left the war zone that was now becoming A+E. A bill for 100 Euro had purchased me several staples and a first hand look at what state of the art medical care has become.
Perhaps I was unlucky or perhaps it was bad timing but "Care" is not a word I would use to describe my visit on Sat evening.

In no other case I can think of do you get your bill first. Asking how long I might be, was greeted with a look of shock and horror. At one point the front face of A+E (recpetionist) told me "I don't know go ask a nurse".
I am sure conditions in A+E are not helped by cut backs and typical Limerick Sat visitors but I am certain that the patient is only an inconvenience in hospitals today. Our 100 Euro charge does not pay for care and the dignity of being treated like a person. I am glad that my visits to A+E are few and far between.