Thank God its Friday. Friday is day like no other in the week. For many the work week is over, the chance to get drunk get laid or for the lucky few, both awaits us. It is like Christmas Eve with the promise of a few days rest, a bit of adventure and who knows.
Today being Friday got me thinking. Who exactly do atheists thank for it being a Friday. In general being an Atheist in Ireland must be hard work. Don't get me wrong, being a Catholic isn't a bed of roses either. What with going to mass once a year, church gate collections and the like, being a Catholic can be hard work. But in fairness to them, the Atheist's have it rough. Firstly, how does an Atheist swear. "In da name of Jaysus" is hardly appropriate. For years going to hurling matches I thought Indanameofjaysus played full forward for Limerick with Forfucksake and Jesuswept being the 2 corner forwards. Similarly, "In de name of God what was that for ref" or "In de name of God, what the fuck were you thinking" can't be used.
Given that 90% of Irish swear words involved some reference to religion this seriously affects an Atheists capability to follow/ play sports. Staying with sports, assuming our Atheist friends overcome the verbal challenges to playing or watching, exactly who do they turn to at that vital penalty kick or with 2 minutes to go in the semi final with your team down by a point. One wonders how God deals with all the prayers around All Ireland final time. Right now he must be inundated with Tipperary folk praying for a ticket, praying for the Cats to lose or generally praying for a ride off some teacher he meets in Copper Face around final time. Who amongst us has not promised to do a Novena at some vital point in a match?
Expanding on that, who do Atheists call on after passing a Garda speed camera whilst doing 70 in a 60 km zone. Anyone that has travelled out the Ennis road and is still without penalty points cannot tell me that prayer doesn't work. Assuming you can get by without the swearing, that you can play full forward and not have to scream "in da name of Jaysus let it in da fuk will ya" every 5 minutes at your half back line and that you are comfortable collecting penalty points, there are many more challenges that you will face. Easter and Christmas must be a right pain in the arse for Atheists. Not that they can't join in, but it must be a bit like celebrating your mother in laws birthday being Atheist around religious holidays. How exactly does an Atheist feel when in the middle of making love, their partner screams "oh God yes, yes". Do they stop? Is it an insult or a compliment?
And after struggling through life missing out on the sports, the sex and the chocolate eggs, what rewards do our Atheist friends get. Well, nothing actually. Most organised religions offer eternal paradise or re incarnation. For me, eternal paradise would involve being reincarnated as Angelina Jolie's bra, but that's a different story. So we clock out blissfully hoping that we are going to a better place. Atheists just clock out. I know organised religion has its challenges. Being a Sikh involves wearing a large jet engine on your head, no breakfast roll for our Muslim friends. Buddhists, Hindu and Judaism all come with challenges. All organised religions are however agreed on one point, and that is that Atheists are wrong. Despite knocking the shite out of each other for generations, Catholics and Protestants, Jews and Muslims, Sikhs and Hindu's all agree that Atheists are wrong. That's an awful lot of people to disagree with. So an Atheist's life is not an easy one. "In da name of Jaysus" why would anyone be one. Please God, they'll find a cure soon though.
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