Mid-Life Crisis

Who would have thought that planning a mid life crisis would be so difficult. Despite my best intentions to live to 150 it was demonstrated to him recently that he is in fact at the point where a mid life crisis should occur. How can this be? Where am I going to find the time or the money to have a world class crisis. So after many hours researching and discussing with extinguished colleagues I am no closer to deciding anyhting. Sports car and younger girlfriend are no good for me. With the price of oil, the condition of Irish roads and my distinctive looks ruling this out I turned to addictions. Drink and Drugs? Well that accounts for the last 20+ years of my life. So not really a crisis if I just continue the trend. And theres no way I'm giving them up, not when you consider the other things in my life.
Sex change? that would really shake things up. But can I really consider saying goodbye to little Timmy. All the good times we had together, its no wonder I'm half blind. It wouldn't be a mid life crisis more like the execution of your best friend.
Depression?, As mentioned previously I am a Limerick hurling fan. if I were to drop into a state of deep depression would anyone really notice the difference?
So I have reached an impass. I have neither the means nor the ideas to have a world class mid life crisis. I have pressures from friends to get my mid life crisis underway and yet I can't find a book or a support group that can help me plan it. I thought life was supposed to get easier as you got older.